Wish I May,Wish I Might

Bye Bye!

Tue, 25 Nov 2003 02:21:38 GMT

Well i got a new LJ name.. this one really never FIT me sooo Megan(deadgirl666) got me a new one and i love her so much <3 Its blown_fame so please change my name on ur friends lists because i dont wanna lose contact with anyone! <3 Love ya! See ya on hte other name!!!!

This is for my personal archives!

Thu, 20 Nov 2003 03:50:37 GMT

When i met you i fell so madly in love with the person you were. I remember the first day we "hung out". I dragged you onto all the rides at the park you were so scared to go on. We flirted like mad but i was with someone else. I remember 2months later we fell for eachother. I remember spending the night at your house and staying up so late laughing. I remember never fighting with you. I remember whenever me and Eric broke up you were the only person there for me. You stood by my side firmly because you loved me so much. When i was hurt i could call you no matter what.. no matter what time you were there for me. I remember when we started hanging out. I remember walking around State College with Kim,Ted and KT. I remember jumping on you and wantin so badly to kiss you but i didnt. I remember the ride home laying my head on your shoulder KNOWING that was the shoulder i had cried on so many times before. I remember the night we made it official. I could've been happier knowing i finally had you all to myself. I remember the nigt we first kissed. It was pure magic. My stomache turned and my knees gave out. I knew those were the only lips i'd ever want to kiss ever again. I remember spending christmas with you. Exchanging presents... exchanging love. I remember our first Valentines day as a couple. <3 We were so happy together. I brought you all that candy and a Dew because i knew what your favorites were. I looked into those eyes of yours and knew i'd be with you forever. I remember your birthday... i wont go into detail about how we celebrated but it was magical. I remember being so in love with you. I remember laying next to you..skin to skin..body to body.. feeling your warmth against my cold feet knowing that someday we'd be able to do that whenever we wanted. I remember going to Pittsburgh with you. Driving there was such a pain. We listened to every CD we took. 3long hours in the mustang. My god i love you. I remember going to the concert and having to stop at the hick store to get directions. I remember getting there and us both feeling so accomplisted because we didnt get lost! I remember going on and getting lost downtown Pittsburgh after the concert. Snapping at eachother, lol. I remember finalyl getting to the Hotel and kissing you. I remember sleeping beside you.. talkin to you and staring at you... kissing you while u slept. I remember knowing i would never leave you alone. I remember the summer we spent together. Hot,Humid,Sticky but fun... stressful... annoying at times but we were so happy together. I remember sitting on Taras deck with you and watchign everyone swim at night. Laughing and having a good time together... except when Rob jumped in and we got soaked. ;/ I remember the long car rides home which actually seemed to go so fast considering the drive. I remember never wanting to get outta that car.. i just wanted you to drive and keep driving because as long as you drove we'd be together. I remember it all.. i remember everything. I remember the day i lost you. I remember it quite clear. I remember is so well and it brings a tear. I cant help it John. I never lost my love.... i just had to do something. I regret losing you now... i regret it til the day i die. I remember the day i found out we had a baby in Heaven. I remember the thoughts racing through my head. I remember the ball of pain in my stomache. I remember everything,every tear,every pain,every nervous twitch... every eye movement. I remember it all. I can't forget because i cant forget how much i truly adore you. You are my soul mate... my love.. my life... my all. You complete my circle of emptiness, you fill that space where loneliness dwelled so long. You are what keeps my world revolving. i cant just throw that away. Please give me a chance to prove my everlasting love for you because i know if you'd let me... you'd see and realize how much we are truly meant to be. I love you! Dont leave! *11-25-02 til forever*

20 things about me

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 05:44:10 GMT

Well Gen put me up to this lol.. here are 20 things no one knows about me.....

1. I lost my virginity @ 14
2. I started dying my hair at 12.. first color was purple!
3. I've wanted my tongue pierced for over 5years
4. I have been in love 3 times...
5. I will never love anyone like my son..EVER
6. I loathe working out, but i feel like i have to!
7. My favorite movies are horror movies
8. I am #1 care taker of my house... like a damn maid!
9. I am dieing to move out and get outta here!
10. I am obsessed with piercings & tattoos
11. I refuse to date a guy without goals anymore
12. I consider myself a mother of 2..Dom and Aradiant(my angel)
13. I plan on getting a tattoo for both my babies!
14. My favorite christmas story is nightmare before christmas
15. I am a total packrat! Ask Megan! lmao!
16. My favorite color is black... morbid? maybe!
17. I love kittens.. hate cats!
18. Im obsessed with Forensic Files & O'Reily Factor!
19 I dont like doing this 20 things anymore
AND FINALLY
20. I love to take pictures!

My Life as I know it

Thu, 13 Nov 2003 04:34:22 GMT

This song explains perfectly how i feel about my life.
Staind - Fade

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too much to conceive
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause...
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through?
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do
I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became 'cause...
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

But I never meant to fade away
I never meant to fade
I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I'm older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

I try to breathe

Dream Wedding!

Tue, 11 Nov 2003 03:53:01 GMT

I've totally stolen this idea from Gen,but readin her entry about weddings made me all so mushy inside soo i had to post! Every single boyfriend i've ever been with i've had dreams of what my marriage to them would be like. It's all changed tho as i've grown.
My dream wedding is outside my house. Its so beautiful here. We have 2 huge willow trees. I want the string white christmas lights from them and get married in the late evening. like around 6.. yes most weddings are very early.. lol. My wedding colors will be black and baby blue. Wierd.. uh huh! Thats me tho! I want to wear a log,strapless black gown, no vail.. just my hair up and curly. I want my bridesmaids and maid of honor to have on all baby blue dresses. Maid of honor will be a long strapless gown but my bridesmaids will be like right above the knee. I also plan on wearing combat boots under my gown and right after i get married lift my dress for everyone to see my big ass boots. LMAO! This will be a wedding to really remember. Prolly give me grandparents heart attacks if they arent dead by the time i find someone i want to marry. As for songs....
Me and my husbands song will be whatever our song is.
me nad my daddy will be Lost that Loving feeling by Righteous Brothers(he sang it to me as a baby/toddler... when we watched Top Gun every night religiously)
i also want a dance with BOTH my moms.. the song i want to dance with my biological mother is Mama by the Spice Girls.. the lyrics are exactly how i feel about her.. angry as a child but as i grew i understood why she did what she did... and my adopted mom i want to dance with her to Mama by Boyz II Men. :D As for my hubby and his mom..well i dont care. lol. Ok this is prolly boring everyone to DEATH.. or scaring the shit outa them. I refuse to have a traditional..boring wedding when im far from tradition or boring! lol. <3

Fun Day with the FAM

Mon, 10 Nov 2003 07:07:06 GMT

OMG! Last night i was having so much fun talkin to Mikey on the phone. He was makin me laugh SOOOO hard. OMG i havent laughed like that in sooooo long! ROFL! Then he had to go *pouts* lol. IT WAS SOOO MUCH FUN! lmao! God hes so fuckin funny! WOW! lmao. Ya'll have no idea. Today i got up and got me and Dom all packed to go to my mom's house! My dad took me to my gramma's around 12:30 and then my mom was finishin my grammas hair and then we all went to lunch and then out for icecream around 2:30. Then we went back to my grammas to save her goldfish in her pond because its starting to frost here and he was almost frozen this morning sooo my gramma wanted to get him out and into the aquarium for winter. He was 62 dollars. Hes HUUUUGE! lmao. Then we did all that and went back to my moms house. Her boyfriend was asleep but he got up cuz Dom is certainly NOT quiet. So then my mom made pizza..*yum* and Dom ate 2.. count 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches...chased down with 10oz of milk. It was just hte bread in half.. so he ate 2 pieces of bread folded in half with peanut butter and jelly. God hes such a piggy! lol. Then we watched Just Married.. OMFG i looove Ashton Kutcher... Hes sooo fuckin hilarious! LMAO! Then we watched some shows and i battled my brother at Frogger.. OMG i kicked his lil ASS! lmao. I AM OBSESSED WITH FROGGER! I rock seriously with it! lol. Then my mom brought me home and talked with my mom about some stuff. I have 2 moms. My adopted mom(i live with) and my biological(who i went with today) confusing? Not anymore! lol.... :D Then we all talked.. me and my sister are going to get pierced together. Shes getting her nose pierced.. she just wants a lil stud and im getting my tongue! OMG My grammas gonna have a HEART ATTACK! She is soooooo old fasion. lol. My sisters husband and his friends were here visitin my neice. She was at her daddy's for the weekend and home now..*my sister and her hubs are seperated* and they left and now here i am.. almsot 2am.. watching Jay Jay the Jet Plane with Dom because he took a really late nap in the car ride home tonight. *screams* i hate when he does that. I gave him a bath and hes drinkin milk and milk makes u sleepy sooooo maybe he'll go to sleep soon! Im sooo tired. My poor Mikey is feeling sick so im gonna go try to make him feel a lil better *evil grin* lmao! Me and Amanda might be flying to FLORIDA for Spring Break!!!!!! I CANNOT FUCKIN WAIT!!! Jake is comign along whether he likes it or not. We're gonna kidnap his ass.. him and Adam!!! We need men! OMG I been a busy busy girl! Yesterday i made a *NEW* fanlisting for Scooter Ward. The lead singer of cold! JOIN,JOIN,JOIN! Its sexy as FUCK! MMMMMMMMMMMM! I loveeee you Scooter! Then since today was the *1* year anniversery to Dess's fanlisting i redid it all.. totally revamped. New layout..everything! Desserae's OFFICIAL fanlisting. I love you so much Dess! Anyways its almost 2 and im sooo damn tired! Night All! Thanks for all the comments and Marie... i make grunge layouts because i LOVE them. I love everything about them. And personally i dont CARE what anyone else thinks. :D Anywho.. night all!

Attention Scooter Fans!

Sun, 09 Nov 2003 04:25:34 GMT

Attention all Scooter Ward fans! I made a fanlisting today for one the sexiest man alive... SCOOTER WARD the lead singer of Cold. If you love him... come join! http://never-mind.org/scooter
Real post later maybe

FUCK YOU JOHN!

Mon, 03 Nov 2003 03:11:35 GMT

I cannot believe this shit! What the FUCK was i thinkin!! John is such a fuckin ASSHOLE! Tonight, his sister Michelle gets online because i called her # because i needed to talk to her OR John and neither of them were answering.. so she got online and told me never to call her house again.. WELL Ok thats fine and dandy BUT i needed someone to talk to and only 4people know about this so there are limited people i can go to! HELLO! Well while im tlakin to her Johsn fuckin BITCH gets on and told me all this bullshit that i dont even feel like TYPING... OMFG! Im soo fuckin STUPID! How could i love him i like i do! HOW! ITS NOT POSSIBLE! So i called him because Dom turned off my computer.. he loves the power button and was standing on my comp chair... and that fuckin bitch answered the phone. OMFG! I could just kill her through the fuckin phone. Anyways, its not her fault Johns a damn fool... All this fuckin time hes never known what he wanted. 2 nights he even TOLD me he had feelings for me but he feared being with me because of "trust issues" and then TODAY its all over and he never wants to see me or whatever and its "over"! WTF! CAN WE SAY CONFUSED PERSON! AHA! See that is why i save everything...
Me: do u feel ANYTHING for me at all
John: yes steph i do, you can't just get rid of feelings for someone, but sometimes the bad ones outweigh the good ones

HE HAS FUCKIN FEELINGS FOR ME! HELLLO!!! You all wanna know the truth.. OK i will tell everyone the TRUTH! 2 months ago when me and John broke up. It had nothing to do with alot of the stuff i've told you. Yes, John im going PUBLIC with this shit... I was PREGNANT... PREGNANT i hadnt found out yet when we broke up but i had missed August and Septembers period. The DAY before my 17th birthday i found out i had a misscarriage. I misscarried the baby. I never told John.. i never told him i was pregnant OR that i had a misscarriage until the 3rd week of October amonth later. Which is WHY he doesnt trust me or love me anymore. However, when i did tell him it seemed to of cleared alot of shit that went on up. Why we didnt talk, why i didnt give him a reason to break up, why i never called him, all the answeres to all the WHYS... So i thought Ok. im gonna break up with him... and work the shit out then we'll get back together and i'll explain it all in DETAIL in PERSON to him. WEll that didnt fuckin happen now did it? NO! It didnt. Instead John went and found himself a bitch. Who was ACTUALLY "seeing" my old friend John R at the time.. Great huh? YES! Then him and this bitch started a "realationship" and have "feelings" for eachother right? RIGHT! OK! Moving on.... i went about a week without talking to him, i had him blocked. I had to tell him something so i unblocked him and he had already unblocked me before that. SO we talked.. this was halloween night.. the night that piece of convo is from above.. We talked for 2 1/2 HOURS! About EVERY FUCKING THING. Do you know why we arent together? No, i'll tell you why. Because to him its easier to live in a pretend world with his "great girlfriend" and pretend nothing ever happened. I never hurt him, i never was pregnant and I never misscarried a baby. NOTHING happened. Its easier to go out with ur friends and "great girlfriend" and FORGET all the pain than it is to face it and DEAL with it. Johns famous for hiding shit tho.. right John? I know i broke his heart and guess what.. i've apologized 5 million times. I've said im sorry and i've done every single thing there is to get his forgiveness and even HELP him get through it. I thought we could do it TOGETHER because i mean it was OUR baby. I loved him.. honestly with all my fuckin heart... i loved him and i will always love him. Hes very important to me. BUT He cant be and wont be anymore. It sucks it really does,but oh well. Its life and that is how it goes. When she breaks his heart.. which i KNOW will happen.... and when it does and he comes crawling back wanting to be "friends" or get "back togehter" you know what im gonna say.. the SAME thing he told me tonight "Its Over John" and its BEEN over. Now.. this blog is OVER! Im gonna this with a big FUCK YOU to John and Brandy.. your both selfish fucks and deserve eachother.

Friends Episode

Thu, 30 Oct 2003 01:47:39 GMT

*this is public cuz i want answers*
OMG! I dont know why but whenever im going through something in my
life there is ALWAYS a TV show with someone going through the SAME thing. Just by coincidence tonight i was watching Friends*hearts* and it was the epsire where Phoebe sets up Ross with her "bald friend" Bonnie.. well Bonnie wasnt bald anymore and very pretty and Rachel was all freaked out about it. And Phoebe goes "werent you the one who decided you didn't want to be with Ross anymore" and Rachel says "Yes, but i didnt expect him to be THIS happy THIS soon" and thats EXACTLY how i feel about John. I did decide to end it. I regretted it.. YES but it was still MY decision. But that is just how i feel. I never expected him to be THAT happy THAT SOON..... i think thats the part that kills me the most. Not that we arent together,not that we arent even FRIENDS.. but that he got over me sooo fast its like he never really even loved me? Would you feel the same or am i totally overreacting?

Stupid Shit...

Mon, 27 Oct 2003 21:04:47 GMT

My Immortal.

Your Lyrics

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

What Evanescence song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Friends Only!

Tue, 14 Oct 2003 22:29:35 GMT

I decided to go on friends only...

Fun with Jake!

Fri, 10 Oct 2003 14:46:18 GMT

OMG! I had sooooo much FUN yesterday!!!!! Well.... to start i put up a new layout at my site never-mind.org Its great! I was talkin to my friend Jake and he was sooo bummed out cuz his girlfriend broke up with him... so i told him i'll come over and cheer u up and he didnt wanna be alone... Then i went and got me and Dom packed and went to my ex's house Jake. I had a blllllllllast! We stood outside and Dom played and we talked and talked. I loved it. Then Dom was getting fussy and tired so we went in. He took a nap on the couch. Me and Jake snuggled up together and watched Friends..I told him about the car accident i was in in July and he felt my back where my spine twists now from it. He was all freaked out. lol. It was soo kool. BUT it was starting to get late and past Dommy's bed time so i called my dad and my dad came around 8:30 and got me. We took Jake from his dads to his moms across town. I ran in and said hello and hugged his mom. She used to be like my other mom lol. I practically lived with Jake a few years ago. <3333 It was great. We dated a year and a half when i was 13/14. BUT we broke up and a year afterwards we became good friends. We have alot of hard times,but hes one of my best friends <3 Hopefully we can go see a movie soon or something. For those who care you can see pictures - http://never-mind.org/stephiejake.htm we took some REALLY stupid pics! lmao! Oh well! Im gonna go grab some scrambled eggs and a hashbrown *YUMMMM*
Oh Jakes livejounal is nobody_smiling and his site is 814 so go visit him <333

<3 Stephie

Pampered

Tue, 07 Oct 2003 22:51:07 GMT

hey everyone. Sorry my last blog was so short. Lets see what i've been up to. Yesterday i went to the mall and got a new shirt at Hot Topic. Then i looked in the Disney Store for a costume for Dom and didnt find anything i liked. NOTHING! Guess i'll try back in a week. They said they'll be getting more in. Then i went and got my nails done :D *feeling pampered* then i went to Walmart and got a few things then came home. OHH YEA! I went to pick up my neice and ran into my "friends" whom i havent hung out with in months.. Rob,Kevin,Josh and Carol. I want to tell Josh happy bday! He turned 18 on the 4th! <333 i love you! Your one of my bestest friends! I miss you so much and love u dearly! <3 My girl Dess turned 22 yesterday! Happy Birthday my lovely And Kevin turns 18 tomorrow! Happy Birthday Kevin! Your finally 18 and you can finally move out! <333333 My biological mom and my adopted dad's birthdays are the 17th.. my moms gonna be 34 and my dads gonna be 60.. big different(no they arent married lol robbing the cradle a bit? haha!) I also want to let everyone known that John(of what used to be dare-me.net/alone) now moved to another domain with a brand new site Insomniac's Dream Its a very kick ass site... even tho me and John arent friends or together anymore i really do care about him and miss his friendship. <3 Maybe someday we can be friends again, but til then go visit his new site and give him alot of love.... moving on.... Today i went to Pittsburgh. Me,My dad and Dom. I had to take Dom to see his foot doctor. He says Dom is doing exceptionally great. His feet are better than what he expected them to be and hes very proud. We go back December 2nd. Yesterday i picked up my glasses. Haha! I look so fuckin smart!lol!Shhhhh looks can be deceiving. lol. :D I bought red eye liner!!! Its fuckin wicked! haha! Well i emailed John just now. I really wanna hang out with him. I miss him... i miss talkin to him and i miss hangin out with him... oh well sucks to be me eh?? Eh.... im talkin to Dess right now. Shes my girl and i love her to DEATH! Ugh thats about it...

Busy Girl

Fri, 03 Oct 2003 19:59:17 GMT

Hey everyone. How's everyone been? I been ok. Really busy with Dom and school work. Tryin to get a normal life together for us. Dom almost walked on his own yesterday.. we went to visit my mom and he was standing all alone with just his butt propped up on a box and he was soooo sturdy so i grabbed a poptart and walked across the room to see if he'd come get it but nope... he just grabbed ahold of my mom and made her bring him over... can we say LAZY! He just isnt brave enough yet.. he will be tho and then i wont be able to keep up with him! I do and dont want him to walk.. i do cuz it will help reassure me that his feet are ok now and that he will be a normal kid... but then again its gonna be harder to keep a hold of him once hes walking lol.... its like the beginning of the end lmao! But we went to my mom yesterday and had fun! I actually had to put his winter coat and hat on him! It was 40 degrees!!!!!! It was awful! I cant believe it! Tomorrow is Dom's dads birthday he'll be 18. Hes coming up for a visit in December! For christmas. Then we might go back to Texas with him for a week. I dunno yet. We'll see how finances are. Ya know? Right after christmas funds are tight! Everyone knows how it is. BUT ya me and Eric been talkin like every single night. It makes me happy. I like talkin to him. I really do and im happy we can be civil with eachother and be "friends". Even tho he really wants to be with me.. i aint doing that shit again. EVER! lol... i dunno Eric is just a great guy from a distance. Like hes great to talk to and to vent on and he makes me laugh... but as for boyfriend/father material... he isnt much to write about lol. Oh well im gonna go clean my room while my mister is asleep! Maybe grab a bite to eat. I just wanted to let everyone know i am alive even tho no one ever comments! lol. <333333

Dom's Fanlisting!

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 21:57:48 GMT

OMG! I have been carrying around this box of Cheesy Sour Cream and Onion cheezeits around with me ALL over the house the past 2 days... they are sooo fuckin good! I CANT HELP IT! For gods sake i took them into the bathroom when i bathed Dom today!!! *cries* THEY ARE SOOO ADDICTIVE. AH! My mom is like just save me a couple and i was like mom, get ur own damn box! LMAO! Anyways i wanna go get my tattoo this week sometime. My moms been promising to take me but other shit is more important. I finished designing it how i want it to be.. you can see it here Click Here! :D I cant wait!!!! My other mom was like i dont mind if u get Doms name but dont get anything satanic! ROFL! And she doesnt want me to get my "face" pierced lmao! She says im too beautiful! *I love my mommy* I was supposed to go see her today but she had to bug bomb her house and i didnt want Dom to be crawling and playing on the floor with that crap still on it ya know? SO we're gonna go over sometime this week. :D Maybe Tuesday. I made Dom a fanlisting GO JOIN!! I've been wanting to make him one forever. Never had the extra time,but i made time and did it! :D SO LIKE I SAID GO JOIN!!!!!! <3333 Another thing i finally finished my Friend's Only Portal i've been wanting to do! Go check that out. Today has been really uneventful! Monday is my exboyfriend and close friend Jake's bday! Hes gonna be 20!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! <3 Happy Birthday Jake! I love u very much! Always have, always will... <333 *muah* Alright well im gonna go eat supper! My mommy cooked some yummy chicken! heehee! Oh i wanted to give some lovin to CJ cuz hes such a nice guy and a total sweety always offering to help! Love Ya,You Sessy MOFO! <3333

Cabin Fever SUCKED ASS

Sat, 27 Sep 2003 01:32:41 GMT

Well yesterday my neice had a doctors appointment so me and dom road with my mom and dad to take her. On the way we stopped by my friend Tara's house to get my bday present. I dont go up there anymore... havent for like 2months,but thats beside the point. It was very nice to see Tara and her Mom Carol... i miss them both alot. Then we left and took Aary to her doctor appointment. Shes exactly 36inches and 27lbs2oz. lol. Dom is 31inches and 26lbs 11oz... :D His weight has been fluctuating but its been between 25 and 28lbs the past 2months. Depends on what hes ate that day i guess ;/ Anyways after that we went to Toys 'R' Us and i spent Doms 1 gift card John gave him for his bday... i bought him a Home Depot tool set... its soooo cute. Hes always wanting to play with my dads screwdriver and i cant let him cuz he'd really hurt himself SO now he has his own.. infact he has everything... and a cute little belt to wear when he gets older :D haha! I am gonna buy him a tool box for them next time i get to get over there. I also bought Dom and my neice 3 new movies.. it was buy 2 get 1 free.. they were 10 a piece... so i bought him a Jay Jay tape he dont have and i bought him a Dora the Explorer tape and then my neice a Little Bear tape(she loves little bear and franklin) Then we went to Walmart. Got some groceries... which im fixing to go through and munch out... then my mom and dad took the kids home and me,Kim and my other neice Samantha(shes almost 16) went to the mall and goofed off and then went to see Cabin Fever... ok the movie SUCKED ass!!!! I was sooooooo pissed. I loooooove me some Rider Strong(Josh and me agree it sounds like a porno name) but hey he can "ride me strong" ANY FUCKIN DAY! ;x *bad steph* BUT The movie sucked soooooooo bad!!! I couldnt believe it!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE FUCKIN DIES!!!! EVERYONE God! Stupid fuckin plot,original story, and like way too much gore and like Rider Strong goes fuckin NUTS at the end.... he bashed his friends head in... well she was like rotting away and had no skin left on her face and was just like woah... BUT he was the last standing survivor.. but he ended up catching it and died... i was sooo upset about the movie... well then we dropped my neice off at her dads and came home. I called Eric to let him know i was on my way home and he could call me in like 30mins...so he did...we talked from like 11-almost 2am.. about everything..the past,present,future....he leaves for Basic Training March 14th. Hes really excited. Im happy for him... happy for myself too cuz i'll get half his sign on bonus(which will give me 3,500$$) towards Dom's college fund... hopefully he'll get his child support arrearages paid off til then... oh well. Then we talked about like his dad going to Iraq... his dad is in the Army and his group(i dunno the technical name) is going to Iraq late March or April... and Eric is like really worried about his dad... which hello anyone would be with what is still going on over there. BUT His dad has taken many many tours and he said his dad is like soooo excited. So..wutever floats there boat... Thats why i dont like the military at all.... Not just that u have to be sent over seas places but u constantly move cuz u have to switch to different bases.... i hate that shit. Oh well...Eric said he sent a payment to Domestics for 300 dollars his mom loaned him cuz he got a job delivering pizzas for Pizza Hut right now but he had a interview at some Animal Hospital which would be kool.. he loves animals... something just for the next 6months til he leaves for Basics... he's coming up for Christmas this year. To spend Christmas with Dom he says. Maybe live up here til he has to leave... i dunno... we'll see... i dont go on anything he says cuz his mind changes like my thongs... lol. <3 Well im gonna go... but before i do i wanna tell everyone to gojoin Dom's fanlisting - http://never-mind.org/domfan I made it for him today!!! <33333

New Domain

Tue, 23 Sep 2003 19:11:22 GMT

Hey everyone i bought a new domain! Its called never-mind.org. Its gonna be alot like dare-me.net but kinda different. I want a new start...:D So anyone who visited my site dare-me.net you can now visit never-mind.org <3 Its not up YET but it will be asap! <3

Happy(non) Birthday To Me!

Sun, 21 Sep 2003 18:04:35 GMT

Hey everyone. Today is my 17th bday. So far its been alright but i've only been awake 2hours. I spent most of yesterday evening crying my eyes out. Life just sucks ass right now... for numerous reasons....
1. Im falling for Eric again... not to where i wanna BE with him BUT i have faith in him and starting to have HIGH hopes altho im being VERY cautious... its just hard because i've been talkin to him everynight for like 2weeks AND hes the father of my baby... i miss him but i dont wanna be with him....
2. I lost my domain dare-me.net and im soo upset about it... i mean i LOVED that domain and it became a part of me..plus i had ALLLLL those pictures on it... god i hope i have them on my comp somewhere.... alot of fansigns gone with the wind too... oh well i guess....
3. Today is my 17th bday and im spending it home.. depressed. My family has been fighting for like 4 days now and my mom is all pissy and my dad is too so i said i didnt wanna go out and sit at a table with people that are all pissed off at eachother.. so here i sit.. on my bday.. sad and depressed the only thing to cheer me up is my baby boy.
4. I have NO friends at all. None... the only people i have are the people i have online... i dont have not 1 friend in real life because all my "friends" are either too busy or were just my friend for another reason and now they arent. Leaving me with no one but my family who HATE eachother... how fuckin lovely is that?
I'm so tired of being so unhappy. I realize NO one is ever COMPLETELY happy but im tired of not having any happiness. I'm tired of living my life full of depression.. this has been going on on and off since July... i am just SICK and TIRED of living my life like this. I need something new and different. I just dont know what to do... *screams* my life just sucks... *Not So* Happy Birthday to Mysef!*

Fall/Winter Clothes

Fri, 19 Sep 2003 21:46:41 GMT

Well yesterday me and my mom took Dom to the mall to go bday shopping for ME! My mom gave me $300 dollars for my bday.... that included my money for my tattoo... my mom KNEW i needed new fall/winter clothes. I usually buy ALL my own clothes,but she gave my sister $300 for her bday so she had to give me the same! :D I love my mom more than anything. My gram gave me 90 dollars..well gift cards. lol.. I returned 1 shirt to hot topic in exchange for another and bought myself another with my gift card my gramma got me. I got a Legolas shirt from LOTRs 2 and i got a TinkerBell shirt there. Then we went to Dots(a girly store i dont really like) and got myself a bunch of cute like sweat pants i can lounge in the house in. I got 5... one grey and baby blue,1 black and pink, 1 black and white, 1 grey and pink with the pink panther on it and it says "think pink" and then i got a dark blue and white pair... all sooo cute :D Then we went and ate.. i had Subway, Dom had McDonalds and my mommy had Pizza... it was very nummy. Then we went and i changed Dom's diaper..he was very very wet.. boy drinks alot of juice. Then we went to JCPenny's.... i got like 5 shirts there and 3 pairs of jeans. I got hte CUTEST red and black stripped shirt.. its REALLY tight and will look even better on me once i get my stomache flat again :D hahaha! Im working on it. Then we went and i spent 120 dollars on Dom. I got him all kinds of sweat shirts and sweat pants for winter and i got him the CUTEST pair of corduroy(sp?) pants and a matching shirt. I also got him a winter hat and gloves. I still gotta get him snow pants and snow boots :D So i can take him out in the snow!! HAHAHA! IM EXCITED. Well thats about it....Today i went with my dad and the kids(aary and Dom) to Walmart and i got Karissa something for her bday party tomorrow.. shes gonna be 3.. i got her a Dora bookbag and a card. I had to get Dom diapers and me tampons(yay!) Then we came home. Here i sit..Dom is napping and im gonna go do my crunches...

BUT first heres some pictures of my new clothes. Oh yeah i also bough Lord of the Rings: The 2 Towers and a Jack Skellington Candle! :D Pix below!

Thats not all the clothes BUT i dont feel like posting them all!
<3 Stephie

Feeling Better

Thu, 18 Sep 2003 01:44:02 GMT

First off im feeling better.....I realized i do have friends... my true friends.. the people who stick with me through thick and thin... maily my lovely bish Dess who i worship and treasure,Jake my ex who i love and care about each day of my life. Hes one of my dearest friends. Also Rob... one of the sweetest guys in the entire world has talked me outta alot of depression the past few days. Altho i do not regret not being with John because honestly IM HAPPIER! Its time i do things for MYSELF instead of doing everything for everyone else. Moving on.....Today i had to take Dom to Pittsburgh to get a new pair of shoes. His others a re a size 3 and he couldnt fit them anymore so we got a size 5 and a 9inch bar instead of a 8inch like he had before. Well the shoes fit perfect now :D So im glad to say my babys feet are finally comfy. I'm gonna be moving into my NEW room in a matter of a few weeks... no walls yet BUT theres floor and LIGHTS and a wall heater there finally! My parents been tryin to get me a new one since i was pregnant.. finances just never worked ya know? Finally we have enough saved to do it! SO me,Dom,Kim and her daughter Aary are ALL gonna have new rooms!!! :D Im the FIRST to get moved in because my current room is like closet size lol... ask ANYONE! lol. Anywho... tomorrow me and my mom are taking Dom and going out JUST the 3 of us for a relaxing afternoon/evening. We're gonna go spend all my bday money 410 dollars AND get Dom some new winter/fall wardrobe because hes in dieing need of winter clothes... My big baby boy!!! Eric got a job and sent his FIRST payment of childsupport in. They told me he has 3months or hes going to jail... he also started school. Its a diploma program. Its gonna get him his highschool diploma so when he goes into the army he'll have a higher sign on bonus type thing.. he'll get more money when he gets outta basics. I guess i dunno im pretty muc army illiterate. I go by what him and his dad tell me which isnt exactly BELIEVEABLE because he has a lieing problem, but i DO know he sent the moeny and i DO know he is in school because both his mom and sister told me so i believe them for sure. I cant wait to spend all my bday money. Anyone want to send me a card via email - stephie@dare-me.net is the email. Anyone want to send me a card IRL email me for my address. Well thats really all thats been goin on.. im gonna go and wait for my dom to go to bed so i can do my crunches(i love working out now) and grab a glass of my flavored carbonated water(yum) and hit the sack... love ya

IM FREAKING PISSED!

Mon, 15 Sep 2003 01:57:32 GMT

I've been so upset today.. no one could possibly understand. All my so-called "friends" hate me now... my birthday is in 1 fuckin week and have i got 1 email,1 IM or 1 phone call asking if *I* wanted to do ANYTHING for my birthday. NO.. the only person that said anything to me was my friend Rob... Everyone is all pissed at me over the whole "john thing" ok YES im sorry shit ended so horribly with me and John... not only did i lose one of my best friends BUT i also lost someone i cared about.... BUT i cant be with someone just for fact i dont wanna lose there friendship.. i have to do what makes *ME* happy and i wasnt happy. Sorry! Eric is my sons FATHER. I have to talk to him. Yes, i care about him... he was my best fuckin friend for 6 1/2 years.... my first love... i CARE about him... after ALL the shit hes done.. YES i care about him... sorry but i do. Every day when i look into my sons eyes i see him... i cant HELP it. That is just how it is and it isnt a irregular thing. Anyone who has shit to say about me... i dare you to walk in MY fuckin shoes... for 1 fucking day! I just cant stand it. People act like they are my friends for so long then its like.... oh my god.. shes talkin to her babys daddy... we dont wanna talk to her now. NO im not naming ANY names...jesus fucking christ. Ok i MAY be over reacting... The only people i've talked to in... about a MONTH is Josh and Rob... Rob actually wants to go out with me this weekend for my bday... and you know the sad thing... i feel bad because i know he could be hanging out with everyone else having alot more fun... its like reality check... your "so-called friends" are only your friends because your dating there friend. *screams* I know i met all them through Eric over 2 years ago.. then me and Eric broke up and i got with John so i stayed friends with everyone because we were always hanging with them(as you all may of read) so i guess its normal for them to wanna hang with him over me... oh well fuck this entry... im done bitching. I gotta phone call.

Emergency Room

Sat, 13 Sep 2003 01:24:56 GMT

Well last night around me and my mom decided to take Dom to the ER because he was crying to horribly like someone had just thrown him against a wall.... this baby cried ALLLLL day yesterday... nothing made him happy... he'd wake up from his nap BALLING his eyes out then cry allll day then fall asleep, then wake up and BALL. We tried going outside,going on a car ride.. everything.. nothing worked so finally at 9 we decided to take him to the ER. We got there and guess what.. he was HAPPY! I was like OMFG! His tylenol had kicked in again and so he was crawling around playing with this lil girl(she was almost 3) and they were destroying everything. It was a riot. I had to call Eric and tell him we were at the ER with Dom cuz he was supposed to call me last night. He started freakin out askin why we were there... i was like i dont have time to explain i'll call u when i get out... well we were there til 10:30 before we were even seen. Then we went to the room and they said Dom has a sinus infection which if effecting his whole head. His eyes,ears,mouth and nose..my POOOOR baby! They gave us a antibiotic and told us to give him tylenol and motrin in between the tylenol doses. To keep the congestion,pain and just pressure off. So we did that and guess what.. he slept ALL night last night! Which was great because now im sooo sick i cant even see outta my eyes really well. My taste buds are all fucked up. But we got outta the ER around 11:30 and got home at midnight. It was awful! Dom fell asleep around 1:30 and slept til 6..stirred around a lil and fell back asleep. He woke up at 9 and my mom came and got him and let me go back to sleep til 12:30 when my neice came nad got me up cuz she "missed" me. lol. she came back and was like "aunt steph i miss u" lol. Me and my dad got into a fight... i dont like my dad... hes mean to me. He thinks im a horrible mother or something. I dont really care..i know im a good mom and so does everyone else.. im a great Mother! So his opinion doesnt matter. Hes a horrible father. Oh well im gonna go take some medicine and watch Malibu's Most Wanted with my mom and sister...

Interesting

Tue, 09 Sep 2003 23:27:27 GMT

Something seriously wrong is going on with Dom at night.... he will NOT sleep.. he cant get comfortable or something... he scootches all around ALL night and fusses ALL night.. he'll sleep for 5-10 mins then have to get comfy in another position.. i even put him in bed with me and that didnt help ANYTHING... i dunno what is wrong.. my mom says it might be his teeth,maybe hes getting sick or MAYBE its his allergies... i dunno.. it just started last night and the night before a little bit. I dont know what it is.. i gave him motrin AND his Zyrtec before bed and then dimatapp in the middle of the night... nothing WORKED... I got MAYBE 2hours of sleep last night... he cant he starting this.. im gonna start babysitting(hopefully) Thursday at 7am... i cant watch 3 kids on 2hours of sleep! Oh well... my son comes first. I dunno wuts up with me and John rihgt now.. we arent speaking..except he wrote me 1 email in like 2weeks saying hes not callin me cuz he doesnt wanna get "bitched at" wutever.. Moving on... because that is PERSONAL and i dont wanna talk about it to all the net... Eric called me.. twice yesterday.. once in the afternoon, we talked maybe 20mins... and then at like 10 last night we talked til 10:30... he told me he was starting college(yea right) and he wants to make a good life for himself which will eventually make a good life for Dom. HOWEVER i want Eric to be there for Dom.. i really really do... but i dont want it to be a off and on thing.. i dont want him to only see him twice a year... Dom *needs* to know who his dad is and if he loves him or not.. ya know? Its just crazy... no dad is better than a bad dad... so watever happens happens. Today we went to the mall, Dom is sick.. my sis had to exchange a pair of pants then i ran in Hot Topic to see how much a plastic barbell for my tongue is gonna be... since i am allergic to metal and im getting my tongue pierced (retarded.. YES) and its not bad so thats wut imma do... Matt(the kid that works there) told me that i need to buy a metal 14G barbell FIRST to make sure it goes through my tongue okay because sometimes they pierce tonguesa t 16G and they dont make 16G plastic bells for tongues... so then i'd have to stretch it a few days with the metal 14 then put the plastic in.. which is kool by me. Moving on.. before we left Eric called my cell.. he tried to call me at my house but no on answered cuz we werent home so he called my cell and we talked MAYBE 5mins cuz i was eating and he said he'd call me back later at my house... him calling isnt effecting my life.. he hurt me really bad before therefore i dont want nothin to do with him romantically or realationship wise just i want him around for Dom... if hes willing to change. It looks like he is cuz hes calling ALL the damn time now.. how wierd.. goes from not callin at all to nonstop in a week... hmm ;/ Oh well... wutever... Shit Happens...thats why they write it on t-shirts(lol thats wut my dad always says) so then we went to Walmart and got a new printer... and a couple other things.. i bought Dom a booster seat cuz he hates the high chair now... im getting him another one for xmas to keep at my moms house and a potty too! lol. heehee! Well im gonna end this.
Thanks for the comments.. i dont have time to plug everyone right now.. but i love you <3

PISSED OFF!

Thu, 04 Sep 2003 22:43:40 GMT

Yesterday i had such a nice day.. we went down to the mall.. i went and we were all eating and here comes one of my bestest buddies Rob... i scream ROBBBB!!! and ran up to him and jumped on him and gave him a HUUUGE hug! I havent seen him in like a month!! Then he had to go to his interview at Subway so i held his hat for him and ate and fed Dom... then my friend John R came to pick up Rob and he sat and ate my fries(lol) and we chatted a bit.. i miss my friends more than ANYTHING.. i wish i got to see them more... i love them sooo much!!!!! Then i went to Hot Topic and talked to my friend that works there.. shes a manager.. she told me to come in the first week of October and put my app in... and she'll try her best to get my a job because she likes me :D Im a frequent customer!!! lol... came home and played with the kids outside til it started raining.. made some phone calls... and uhh nothing else important....Moving on...today started out as the WORST day of my life... 1st... Dom woke up at like 4:30 last night FREAKING out!! Something scared him... then i had my window open and my dog scared a skunk and it sprayed so my room smelled HORRRRRIBLE!!! Then my neice wont up freakin out because my sister took her bottle nad hid it because shes taking it because Dom no longer has a bottle.. day,evening,car night.. NEVER!!!! So she decided my neice could get off hers... my neice is a year and a half older than Dom..shes going on 21/2 she should've been off it FOREVER ago,but anyways her freaking out made Dom stay up.. GREAT huh? SO GUESS WHO GOT NOOOO SLEEP!!... STEPHIE!!! AND DOM!!! While my sister slept nicely in a nice warm bed while my parents dealt with HER child... talk about fuckin piss a girl offffff... ok well then today my mom gave my neice a bottle becuase its NOT my moms job to take my neices bottle... she aint the mother.. SO my sister freaked out and they got into a arguement about it.. then we went to Walmart and had a better time... i got 3 rolls of film developed :D Some really cute pictures!!!! Im scanning them now :D heehee! Thats really all i've been up to.

Dysfunctional Care Bear

Tue, 02 Sep 2003 20:37:37 GMT

Stoner Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Okay that is like SOOOO not me! I've done my share of expiermenting with drugs before i had my baby boy.. but i havent TOUCHED weed in oh say.. 2years! HAHA! Good for a laugh... this is more like.. my ex Jake(Nobody_Smiling) no offense Jake.. i love you!